The Thorn In My Side //

Everyone has one. A thorn in their side. Something that they struggle with no matter how many times they beg God to take it away. It could be addiction, a health issue, an insecurity-- something that's always been around. Something that hurts. 

For me, it's comparison. 

Thorn In My Side //

In my earliest memories, I can remember comparing myself to others. I always wanted to see what other people had, what other people were wearing, what other people were doing. And to do this day, it's a habit I just can't quit. 

Social media doesn't help. But I don't help myself either. I scroll endlessly and it begins. "Oh their wedding is so beautiful! Mine was no where near as beautiful as her's", "She is so thin and toned and tan. I wish I looked like that", "Their relationship looks so loving and cute. He bought her a brand new outfit and surprised her with a date night! I wish my husband was like that" "They just bought a new house! I wish I wasn't stuck living in an apartment"....guys, it goes on. 

Thorn In My Side //

But y'all, it's worse than this. Most people say that social media only gives you the highlights but if you were to hang out with that person in real life, you would see the real life. And you guys, that's just not the case for me. I can sit across from you and  you can tell me about how your dog ran away, your grandma died, you lost your job and your wallet was stolen and I'll just be sitting here, thinking about how your makeup looks so much better than mine, how your outfit is cuter and how you make life look so easy. 

And that's an issue. Because one, I didn't even listen to the things you were telling me! (And it sounds like you could really use a good listener and a hug if all that happened to you!) Second, I just turned you into competition instead of a sister in community. Third, I am only thinking about me and how much I suck. How can I love and celebrate YOU when all I'm doing is wallowing in self-pity over me? 

And I am so freaking done with it. I can't take it not one more minute. In this new year, comparison and jealousy and putting myself and my life down will just not be tolerated. It just won't. That is not who I was created to be. That is not my best life. I can't love this beautiful life or you when all I'm doing to focusing on how my life isn't good enough. 

Thorn In My Side //

Recently, I was reading a verse from the Bible that says, 

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit but in humility, count others more important than yourself. Philippians 2:3

It hit me like a ton of bricks. The key to a content life is forgetting about yourself. Leaving all vanity at the door and stepping into the life of focusing on others. Staying humble. Putting others first. 

So that's the 2018 I'm gonna be living. My life is beautiful and everything is a gift from God. I won't compare me to you anymore. When I start to care that your thighs are skinnier than me, or your car is newer than mine, or you're in the stage of life I wish to be in, I'm going to repeat this verse to myself and ask God to help me get through. Cause I'm not gonna waste another year, living in comparsion.