If you know me at all, you know that I love Instagram. It's my favorite social media platform and way to spend my spare time. I love expressing myself and connecting with others, and it's truly something that usually brings me great joy.
But recently, something ugly has happened in my heart. I realized I don't have an Instagram marriage.
I love my husband. I love my marriage. It's incredibly important to me. But it has issues. We fight. We argue. We are selfish. We are busy. We struggle to find romance. We have financial problems. We have emotional and spiritual struggles. And when I talk to other couples, I find this is mostly normal.
But when I get on Instagram, I am faced with the "Instagram Marriage"-- the marriage where you never see the fights, arguments, dirty dishes or bills unpaid, the marriage where you only see the good.
I follow a lot of cute couples on Instagram. And I obviously love these people and their accounts because I follow them for a reason. But for years now, I've followed these accounts of people who seem to go on constant dates, constantly feel madly in love with their spouse, are given exuberant gifts by their husband, and so on.
"I don't know why people say the first year of marriage is hard," one account's caption read. It stung. It wasn't their fault. I'm happy their marriage has been a breeze in the first year, truly. But our first year has been anything but a breeze. Is something wrong with us?
"He bought me three new outfits, told me to pick one and then took me to my favorite restaurant in the city..", another caption read. My heart sank. Was I unloved because my husband has never surprised me with new, fancy dresses and an expensive date?
There is nothing wrong with these couples or anything they posted. Just like me, they are expressing their lives, feelings and thoughts. But why do their expressions of their life make me feel like crap? Why can't I help but compare?
I started to wonder what I was doing wrong. Why is my marriage not Instagram-worthy?
But it hit me. Besides my obvious struggle with comparison and how Instagram is a platform that has been abused by only sharing the highlight reel that is NOT reality (I am guilty of this too), I shouldn't give a cuss word whether my marriage is Instagram-worthy or not because my marriage's value is not based in how many likes I have or how it compares to other couples who post on the social media platform.
And even if my marriage's value WAS based on that, guess what? My marriage is Instagram-worthy because MARRIAGE IS WHAT YOU MAKE IT.
When you choose to see the best in your marriage, you make your marriage newsworthy.
Suddenly, your husband doing the dishes or kissing you before he leaves the house becomes something you want to shout from the rooftops.
When you choose to see the best in your husband, he suddenly becomes someone you want to tell everyone--in real life and online-- about.
It's about perspective. It's about gratitude for what you have. It's about seeing the best in your life, in your spouse. It's about being CONTENT with what you've been given. It's about unplugging and stopping the comparison.